The Grand Elektra Complex Thanksgiving Feast

In a few short hours, we are headed over the river and through the woods to grandparents' houses we a-go-go. We are leaving here today to go to my father and his current wife's house for lunch with the four of us and the two of them. Considering that my dad and I have not been in a social situation together with our spouses since we started therapy makes this prospect very tenuous. This is a high wired act, but the wire has been replaced by razor blades.

The past time my father and I were in therapy together about two months ago, I was forced to reveal an ugly secret about his wife that I swore I would take to my grave. After all, I hate the bitch, but she makes him happy. I am not going to pull any "Days of our Lives" crap and force him into a divorce. However, his wife has made it very clear that he either pick his kids or her. What a ho bag. She comes and breaks up our family and then screams bloody murder when we don't recognize her as the matriarch of our lives. Sorry, gal. We know you have a time limit and the clock is running. They have both been fixed and are in their 60's so she cannot produce a blood heir to come and take our place. But, she does have the "perfect" daughter. He has used her by lavishing trips all over the world and spending holidays with her in place of the two kids that he has.

Now let me be straight with you. We are no picnic. My brother is unemployed, bipolar, and lives off my dad in Cali. I make him go to therapy in order to attempt to have someone mediate our disagreements and beat some sense into him. My plan is not working. This means that I have to face the wicked witch of east Cobb county to try to get a toehold with my dad. I am not looking forward to it. It literally makes me puke with anxiety. This woman sets off more red flags to me than the Indy 500. I just don't know how much strength I have to fight a losing battle. You may ask, "Why is it a losing battle?" Linda drinks and does drugs the extent of which I do not know. She is a vicious and mean drunk at times and this brings up all kids of bad luggage from my childhood. I feel like my dad married my mom all over again. With whom, I have not spoken in years.

While my father was never much of a strong physical presence in my life, he is an indomnitable force of my conscious. This is a man who a B was never good enough for him. only the best worked for him. So, I married a great guy and my dad thinks he is off the hook in the parenting department. he proceeds to ruin his marriage and his business all for the whims of this woman. I hesitate to claim her as a member of my gender because I find women like her a total and complete discredit to my gender. I do not discount her suffering and that she earns a gold star for getting my dad through chemo. The truth of the matter is that she is a yellow bellied sap sucker, to use the words of Mark Twain. She feeds my father lie after lie concerning me and the girls and being pussy flavored, he eats it up. It hurts to debase my father like this, but it is the truth.

My father's calling card is money. It is his lifeline to those he loves. I hesitated as to whether or not I was going to skip the quoyes on that last part. I am feeling generous.

I have fought for the right to to see my father at a major holiday. When this came up, I could not ignore it or pass it up. If my father is going to get to know my children it is one wat and one way alone, through constant contact, He has not seen my girls in a year. My ever astute 2 year old knows it, too. She stopped asking about the man in the picture and why he did not visit her. Tonight, she said, "Mommy, I don't want to see Poppa, he talks mean to my moomy and makes her sad." Wow, out of the mouths of babes...

The therapist my father and I saw said that she could not understand why I don't just ditch him. My response? "He's my father." I don't have a mother, or even a strong maternal figure currently with the exception of Nancy. The irony being that he brow beat me into accepting Nancy as the maternal figure in my life. He got his wish. But then he wanted me to cast her out in favor of wife number 3. So, my daddy's it. We will save the brother drama for another post.

I keep hoping this guy is going to wake up and see the value my children add to anyone's lives. For as much as i have been a screw up in my life, I am most proud of my kids. They have their moments like all toddlers. But they are good girls. I gear the most for Katie's relationship with him because she so seeks love and approval of those in her life who are authority figures. He needs to see that especially at this age, it is about more tha in buying them shit.

I will alwats wait for him. Hand outstretched, invitaation made, finding his spot on the ppath that brings him along comfortable.